Wednesday, October 10, 2007

why i couldn't fall asleep on wednesday night

I think the single greatest question to answer or to come to terms with in my own life is of whether we as human beings are on a determinist course, that is, everything that we do, think, feel, desire,etc... is preordained from the start or whether we as individuals have the ability to shape our lives depending on the choices and decisions that we make.

Fatalism or determinism is a scary concept to accept because there is always the option of copping out and saying "If it was meant to be it will be". This course of thought could lead to less stressful lives if one simply hands their life over to the whims of fate and absolves themself from any resposibility for the outcome of their lives and their actions.

On the other hand, it is also daunting to think about that we each have the power to do incredible things to shape our lives and the world around us. Each decision we make could have vast and enormous consequences on the course that our life takes.

Tossing and turning in bed as I do every night I can't help but think of how one simple decision I make has the power to transform my life in unimaginable ways. Something as simple as who I speak with tomorrow or what website I stumble across, could have a profound effect on how my life might be changed had such things not occurred.

It is terrifying to think of the unlimited potential lives I could be leading had I only made a different choice along the way. Where would I be and how would my life be different had I made these different choices? What if I had chose Wesleyan over Vassar? What if I had decided to play baseball instead of basketball? What if I had taken a different philosophy course with a different professor and actually enjoyed the study of philosophy instead of being completely turned off by in my freshman year? Who knows?

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